I have a green coat. Not a white one. So it doesn’t matter that I determine that I’ve suffered too much. Too much to live. Colour is so important… Not my suffering or the end.

If nothing else the prevailing evil is demonstrated by the suicide laws. They don’t make any attempt to limit suffering. In fact they do the opposite. Thus again I assert that you do not have the competency to do the right thing for suicidal individuals. If anywhere there is a protection against unlimited suffering surely it must be in the suicide laws.

You? “I wish you weren’t suicidal so the cruelty and evil we can do to you isn’t limited”. You’re far more evil than that.

You? It’s the things you want to be unlimited. Unlimited suffering. Unlimited misery. Unlimited sadness. Unlimited suicidal feelings. It should be as clear to you as it is to me that monsters like you are too evil to be able to care. Born and bred.

You? When you want me to be suicidal nothing can stop you. That’s why I can’t live amongst monsters like you. You’ll failed to achieve the most basic care: if you can’t stop making me want to die then how can you force me to live? Such care can’t exist in this civilisation of monsters because of monsters like you. You believe in infinite sadness and unlimited suffering and you think that’s okay because you’re so fucking evil.

You? We hold these truths to be self evident that unlimited suffering is only something laws legislate for in a civilisation of monsters. But in this civilisation of monsters these laws are there not out of hatred but out of a sense of care. That’s how truly evil the monsters who call yourselves the human race are. Monsters even if you try to care. The criminalisation of assisted suicide is not care. It’s bare and blatant cruelty and it’s sadistic. That’s what you are even if you try to care.

The worst crimes all involve murder. That’s of all the established crimes and unfortunately this stretches to assisted suicide. I have no doubt that death is bad and when it’s not the choice of the victim it’s a terrible thing to do to anyone. I think everyone can understand this “too cruel to do and to force on someone and to happen to anyone” when it comes to murder. So such great lengths are taken to prevent death. But there’s an massive lack of understanding and appreciation of what it’s like to face what’s worse than death. There is a massive gap to be bridged when it comes to “too cruel to…” when it comes to suicidal feelings. This was true before the institution of psychiatry was established and it’s still true now. Thus I have faced more of what’s top cruel than anyone should and more than anyone could except in a civilisation of monsters. Such great lengths are taken to prevent death even when it’s chosen but fuck all is done to prevent what’s worse than death or to keep suicidal feelings as brief as possible. The prevailing wisdom (or lack thereof) is that the suicide system and suicide laws mustn’t care about what suicidal individuals want and there’s absolutely zero understanding of “too cruel to…” when it comes to the experiences of those who face what’s worse than death. I understand death is bad and I understand the severity of experiencing what’s worse than death but in this civilisation of monsters this is irrelevant. But it is so basic to recognise the nature and severity of suicidal feelings. Unfortunately I live amongst monsters and the monsters who call themselves the human race are too evil to be able to care. So they’re still making me want to die and they’re still denying me my death. It’s because of their beliefs and standards that’s why they can’t care and why I can’t live.

How can they get something so basic so wrong? An addict doesn’t want to feel like they feel. They choose addiction to change how they feel and they choose an addiction to change how they feel permanently. A suicidal individual doesn’t want to feel how they feel when they’re alive. They choose suicide to change how they feel and they choose suicide to end what’s unbearable. There’s nothing wrong with either of these choices but because of the institution of psychiatry these choices are deemed to be irrational and unnatural because they are mental illnesses, they are caused by a brain malfunction. In fact there’s a lot which is rational and natural and right about these choices about how an individual does and doesn’t want to feel or experience. Everyone makes these choices all the time but some of these choices fall under the purview and the tyranny of psychiatry. I’ll suggest you consider the way transgendered individuals are thought of now when you consider the choice to be an addict or to die. A lot has changed for transgendered individuals from a century ago and what doctors do as well as what the government does. What’s made the change? One is the technology to change physical gender. The other big change is not in the science of psychiatry but in cultural and social norms. The key point I’m making is about the validity of the choice to have a drug addiction (or any other) or to die. It’s based on temporary cultural and social norms, not science or medical fact. And to deny these choices based on psychiatric beliefs is nothing less than a tyranny of evil.

When it comes to drugs like cannabis the law makers trust doctors to know what’s right and they don’t trust the Meat. I assume it’s because of the extensive education doctors have but of course I can’t understand why drugs would be illegal. But the government and other law makers don’t think there’s a way to bridge this education gap. Why would they? The government believes in making students pay for a university education. They don’t care about education and neither do they care about the difference an education can make. But they don’t care about basic liberty or basic needs. And the government don’t need a superb education to be ministers. So why would they value education and how that’s the way to demedicalise so many choices which individuals are denied in favour of perceived authority of doctors. Government ministers don’t need an education to make all the big decisions they make.

On that spectrum of what I want to experience and what I don’t want to experience. At either extreme the monsters who call yourselves the human race have ably demonstrated you don’t give a fuck about what I want or what’s important to me. Not even once I’m suicidal. Why exactly would I want to live amongst like you? Part of the point of civilisation is to care about this continuum of personal experience and choices about personal experiences. Clearly that’s not important in this civilisation of monsters. You absolutely don’t care about my basic needs but it’s even sadder than this. You don’t care about the basic needs of your own. So truly evil are you you just can’t care. And so are your doctors.

If you can’t understand me it’s a shame. But if you can’t understand me so you deprive me of my liberty…that’s mental health. Do you understand why I need to die? It’s all about you.

You? If you understand pain you’ll recognise the cruelty in forcing someone to live. If you can recognise the cruelty of this act of force you’ll understand why the criminalisation of assisted suicide is pure evil. Indefinitely forcing someone to live is the height of evil and cruelty. If suicidal feelings aren’t solved and resolved then the criminalisation of assist suicide is the act of making suffering unlimited. Of course the end to unbearable suffering isn’t the only reason why suicide is good but I think it’s the most common reason. There are all sorts of pain from sadness to despair to unbearable quality of life and so on. But suicide saves all. Instead of recognising what is a basic truth those who believe in the criminalisation of assisted suicide are contributing to what is truly a criminal act. The crime is forcing someone to suffer unbearable suffering and the crime of making an individual’s suffering unlimited. That’s why assisted suicide can’t be a crime except in a civilisation of monsters. Because monsters are innately cruel, evil and sadistic. And that’s what the proponents of the criminalisation of assisted suicide are. They talk about it being done out of a sense of care but that’s because they can’t tell the difference between cruelty and care. Don’t get me wrong. I think at the moment access to assisted suicide can’t be a pure freedom because it’s a big mistake if the cause of suicidal feelings and the suffering stops quickly. But if the suicidal feelings last…it’s too cruel to force anyone to endure. How long is too long? Submit yourself to illegal torture. Then you’ll know how long is too long. (By the way the humane suicide laws I believe in would protect against torture instead of these existing protections against torture being applied to protect suicidal individuals from the cruelty of the medicalised suicide system and suicide laws.)

Truth? It’s not a legal argument to see death and recognise the nature and severity of what’s worse than death. And to let this guide you in what you don’t do and do do to a suicidal individual. It’s the law of the heart. The law of the heart can’t prevail as long as the monsters who call themselves the human race have the lie of mental illness and the institution of psychiatry to play the role of their heart should.

You? Do you want my suffering to be unlimited as an act of revenge? Or as punishment or out of hatred? The message I’ve received from the Ministry of Justice is that assisted suicide is illegal out of a sense of care but that has to be a lie. It’s impossible for unlimited suffering to be an act of care.

I should consider all the effort you’ve put in? I do. That’s what’s so sad. Even if you hate me it’s still too cruel to do to anyone. You force me to live to keep on making me want to die. This is what’s so sad. You think suicidal feelings are an acceptable consequence. But you wouldn’t choose this to happen to you.

I’ve done my job and so have you. The meaning of our lives is to prove the human race is evil. And we didn’t choose this.

Minister for…perpetuating evil? Minister for mental health. By any other words.

You need to understand…? Are there drugs which can give monsters empathy? By personal experience instead of a heart.

Only in a civilisation of monsters. A government whose cruelty is unlimited. A government that would criminalise assisted suicide and support the tyranny of evil of the medicalised suicide system. There’s the crime. The government are too evil to realise how truly evil they are. Just like the rest of the monsters who call themselves the human race. They’re so evil they think the act of unlimited suffering is an act of care. Obviously. When all they have is evil at their core and no empathy.

Edit this and send it to monsters – So evil that the primary objective of suicide prevention is to prevent successful suicide. Because your kind don’t give a damn about suicidal feelings or suicidal individuals. So evil that there’s no law to get in the way of the evil and cruelty your kind can do to a suicidal individual. Because your kind don’t give a damn about suicidal feelings or suicidal individuals. But surely this is the better way to achieve your monster objective of reducing the successful suicide rate. Do everything you can do to get in the way of your innate cruelty and evil once you’ve made your victim want to die. But you think drugs and words are enough – and this is the best you can do. Because your kind don’t give a damn about suicidal feelings or suicidal individuals. It’s abundantly clear you’d rather remain free and evil than care about suicidal feelings and suicidal individuals. All because you’re evil. Truly evil. Born and bred. You do what only monsters can do. You pay monsters like you to do cruelty and evil to a suicidal individual.

The victims’ guarantee. It’s not ideal but it’s better than none at all

Every victim can end whatever modern injustice, cruelty and evil they face. Every victim can escape from what’s unbearable, unendurable and worse than death. Victims are the masters of our lives and if not then our deaths. 

That’s why the legalisation of assisted suicide and the establishment of the right to die must happen. 

And if you can recognise you’re so evil that you can’t recognise evil when you do it then you will respect why access to assisted suicide requires no external validation of the reasons to die. 

It’s not the ideal victims’ guarantee but there’s nothing else to protect me from you and your evil when I need to die. Not even when you know I want to die your cruelty and evil remains unlimited. Thus without assisted suicide my suffering is as unlimited as your cruelty and evil.

Without assisted suicide there’s nothing else to end the injustices, cruelties and evils your kind are free to do to me on my terms.

Assisted suicide saves because you can’t. Assisted saves when you can’t. Assisted suicide saves every victim. The price is high but the reward for each and every victim is immeasurable. That’s why individuals choose suicide. 

Legalise assisted suicide and enshrine the right to die. There are so many reasons why and I’ve tried to communicate them to. But if for no other reason legalise assisted suicide so every victim has a guaranteed protection from the unlimited evil and cruelty of you and your kind. On our terms. 

Anything less is cruel and evil.

Your freedom to do evil to me matters more than my freedom to stop you.

My suffering still isn’t enough for you?

https://likeyouhaventdoneenoughcrueltyalreadyihavetofightformydeath.wordpress.com/contact/

Read this. It’s tragic that my suffering still isn’t enough.

But what’s evil is that it’s all about you. It doesn’t matter if I know I’ve suffered too much. Not to you.

But it doesn’t matter if I want to die. You’ve forced me to live and not deprived yourselves of your freedom to do evil to me. More than that you would force me to live indefinitely which is pure evil in itself.

But you think unlimited suffering is an act of care and you believe assisted suicide is the crime. Can’t you see how truly evil you are? 

But, again, it’s all about you and for you to recognise the evil you do. Unfortunately you’re so evil you can’t see what’s evil. The right to die is good and the criminalisation of assisted suicide is pure evil.

I need to stop your evil and it is absolutely clear I have only one choice. But your freedom to do evil to a suicidal individual matters more than my freedom to stop you.

Legalise assisted suicide and enshrine the right to die. 

When no one cares about your suffering like you do then than fuck for the right to die

Another response to my MP

I should be kinder to her. She’s the only one who bothers to reply. 

Nonetheless. I still need to die. So here’s another attempt to get what’s mine. My death. 

Perhaps if I was a woman my suffering would be enough for you?

 Dear Theresa 

Thanks for your response. 

I just wonder what you’d say to me in response to my suffering if I was a battered wife and divorce is illegal? “I take your comments onboard but I won’t let you divorce your husband. That would be wrong.” 

In what follows I’m making an analogy between divorce and assisted suicide. 

I am trying to leave a species whose cruelty isn’t satisfied by making me want to die or knowing that I want to die. Your kind have battered me to the point that I want to die then have continued to hurt me without mercy. Your kind have kept on hurting me even after you’ve forced me to live. 

You remain certain that I should stay alive to live amongst the monsters whose sadistic cruelty reaches further than making me want to die and forcing me to live. My suffering has never been enough for you and your kind because knowing that I want to die isn’t enough.

I need a divorce and that’s what suicide represents. My ‘husband’ (the species who call themselves the human race) have battered me for decades and nothing will stop you.

But you believe I shouldn’t be free. You believe I should stay alive so your kind don’t have to stop hurting me. My suffering isn’t enough for you to want what I want for me.

I am not free. I am property. I’m a thing to you as are all suicidal individuals. We are your possessions and you do not care about the suffering of your possessions.

If I was a battered wife who has to stay married to their husband then would you do the right thing? Or at the very least fight for the right thing like I’m a being who is one of your own?

What if I was a rape victim who is forced to bear the child of their rapist? You wouldn’t do what’s right then? 

What’s actually important to you? Assisted suicide is right and humane and it’s a basic liberty. If I was a battered wife then would my suffering be enough for you to fight for the divorce I have needed for decades? 

Or are you simply so enamoured with the idea of mental illness that you can’t tell right from wrong? 

Sincerely 

Arj 

Are we safe to live amongst monsters like you?

I‘m talking about all suicidal individuals. Those who know they’re not protected or safe from the harms that are worse than death. Those who have faced the worst state of conscious existence and therefore been deemed to be mentally ill. Then have faced what happens to suicidal individuals in a civilisation of monsters. 

What happens when a suicidal individual realises they’re not safe to live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race? This question of “do you feel safe to live” a suicidal individual will not be asked as part of therapy – or am I wrong? 

But it’s something I’d ask just as I never need to ask myself because it’s proved every single day I’m forced to live. I am not safe from the evil and the cruelty that defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

I’m not safe and so aren’t lots of other suicidal individuals because you’ve failed to do your job. To compound this failure there’s no legal limit a suicidal individual has to limit the cruelty and evil the monsters who call themselves the human race can do to us.

I’m just pointing out the obvious. 

You? You can’t do what suicidal individuals want. Because you can’t care about basic liberty. That’s what you call care.

I probably should have just written this to my MP: “I care about you so I don’t care about your suffering, your quality of life or what’s worse than death to you. I care about you so I don’t care about what’s too cruel to happen to anyone, too cruel to do to anyone and too cruel to force anyone to endure if you’re suicidal.” That’s how the monsters who call themselves the government care about suicidal individuals and that’s how the monsters who call themselves the human race care about me. You’ve taken the definition of care and completely contorted it to represent the evil that defines your kind.

Response to my MP v8

It never ends. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse. 

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. So here’s another attempt. 

Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

So much of my suffering was avoidable but it’s not avoidable because what defines the monsters who call themselves the human race is your cruelty and evil. Keep this in mind as you read all I write. 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s a description of what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. This is how I felt seven or eight years ago. Let’s call it a decade ago that I felt this awful.

—

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

—

I could have been spared all of this but it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? No. But it is your cruelty and evil that defines your kind.

How is my suffering never enough? 

What I’ve described above is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy back then none of this extreme suffering upon extreme suffering could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law and the suicide system that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much and for those who don’t want to become suicidal. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. More suffering than what I was experiencing a decade ago should be impossible for you to bear. But it’s not enough back then and it’s not enough now after all I’ve suffered since then and now.

The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice when I failed to save myself by killing myself. It’s too cruel for anyone to endure. But you force me to endure even more. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die? Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day of being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain. I don’t need to imagine. 

The pain is the critical point. It’s the point you’ve failed to understand. This is clear throughout your suicide system and suicide laws as well as suicide policy and practice in this civilisation of monsters. 

Reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. It’s worse than death. That should be all you need to know to understand my pain and why I need to die. 

But my suffering is never enough for you so I must get used to it. It is this mentality which you believe in and which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is exactly what it is. Cruelty. That’s the implicit choice you make when you criminalise assisted suicide. You force suicidal individuals to get used to being suicidal. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years was what made me feel how I felt a decade ago. But it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It got worse.

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did a decade ago but my suffering is never enough for those who are the arbiters of my suffering and the end of my suffering. Then what should never get worse got worse. 

So I stand here today and I’m still fighting for my salvation. And you’re still proving that my suffering is never enough for you. You continue to believe that my choice to die is completely irrelevant. You still believe assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation. 

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. 

Do you really hate me so much? You’ve perfected evil by forcing me to live. You have denied me my death then you’ve perfected evil. You couldn’t do it any other way. 

Do you hate me so much? Or do you perfect evil because you care? 

Because unlimited suffering is evil these are valid questions. I couldn’t limit my suffering a decade ago. Then it got even worse. Do you hate me so much that you want to perfect evil by the things your kind do to this suicidal individual? 

(If you don’t already know that unlimited suffering is evil then I suggest you suffer more. Of course if I forced you to live to endure the suffering I’ve been through after I’ve been forced to live then it’d be a crime but only a crime by my standards. How sad is this?) 

Part 2 – too cruel to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this piece below when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.  However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care. 

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I’ve written. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care about suicidal feelings. But what if you do it because you hate me? 

(Note I’m flipping between “you” and “they”) 

Anyway, here’s what I wrote. (I’m talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts.)

—

A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited. They call this care. 

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die and the law is on their side. So that’s what they do. 

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited. No suicide laws deprive you of your freedom to do further cruelty and evil to a suicidal individual. 

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. I want to die but I’m forced to live and to be kept suicidal. I need to die but my suffering is unlimited. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment and never stop the cruelty no matter how long I’ve been suicidal. That’s too cruel to do to anyone and that’s my punishment done by and delivered with extreme hatred by the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making this suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this severe? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering for them to want it to end. They deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil but they’re in no way deprived of their liberty to do evil and cruelty to me. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? 

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death and it gets worse. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone then the punishment must be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. Because assisted suicide is the crime. 

—

Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals. 

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you must recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse. 

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. But by your standards what I’ve suffered and am suffering is…what? Never enough for you. How sad is that? 

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil which is acceptable to everyone who believes assisted suicide is a crime. 

Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use to force suicidal individuals to live. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no genuine care nor mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law represents.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me. But what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. But you have the law on your side. 

My suffering is never enough for you. So what defines my existence most of all is pain. Again, this is acceptable to the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever. 

My pain never ends. Your evil never ends. That’s the crime but you have the law on your side. How sad is that?

Part 3 the foundation is the nature and severity of suicide pain. The foundation should also include what suicidal individuals want. This doesn’t exist yet. How sad is this? 

I’ve tried to explain the foundation of everything you do to suicidal and what is the right foundation. 

You must recognise the truth. The truth is so simple. Suicide pain is extreme in its nature and severity. It’s worse than death. You will not find this explained in a psychiatric textbook and you will not see this truth recognised anywhere in your suicide system nor in the suicide policy and practice which you believe in.

What I’ve written is based on simple logic but it’s logic which builds on a foundation which is fundamentally antipaychiatry. The foundation is the pain is unacceptable. The foundation is also about a suicide system which actually cares about what suicidal individuals want. Again, this is antipaychiatry. The medicalised suicide system – the system you believe in – doesn’t care about what suicidal individuals want. It doesn’t care. 

Nothing I’ve said requires any intelligence to come up with. It doesn’t come from empathy either but that’s what I ask from you. It comes from personal experience. I have so much experience of what’s to cruel to happen to anyone and too cruel to force anyone to endure. 

It’s pain…so much pain for so long…that defines my existence most of all. It should be of no surprise to you that I did not choose to suffer all this then suffer all the more. I’ve suffered so much cruelty after I’ve become suicidal and after I’ve been forced to live. Again, I didn’t choose this. 

But at no point in all this suffering has the end of my suffering and the end of my suicidal feelings being as important to those who have power over what happens to me as it is to me. The government is part of this. My suffering isn’t enough for the government. It has never been enough for you to want it to end so I’m still fighting for my death. 

Do you understand why I can’t live? You’ve decided my suffering must be unlimited. This is simply evil. This is too cruel to do to anyone. But for you it’s an acceptable consequence of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. 

The criminalisation of assisted suicide sits on top of a mountain of other cruelties. Note the sub domain I chose for the last bespoke blog I wrote. Like your cruelty isn’t enough already I have to fight for my death. 

To this day your are unequivocal in making a choice which affects me in a massive way. You choose to deny me access to assisted suicide because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever.

It doesn’t matter if you hate me. It doesn’t matter if you try to care. What you’re forcing me to endure is too cruel to do to anyone. That’s the crime. Assisted suicide is not a crime. Never ever except in a civilisation of monsters. 

You believe my suffering should be unlimited. So what should never get worse got worse. Because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever. 

The government and so many others are all part of achieving what’s too cruel to force anyone to endure. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

Suicidal individuals should be a protected group. Instead we’re oppressed and persecuted. We’re victims of further cruelty which is sanctioned by the law and the law deprives no one of the cruelty they can do to a suicidal individual. The law is focused most of all on depriving suicidal individuals of our liberty.

The law is not on our side and neither is the government. The law and the government are on the side of doctors. Not suicidal individuals. Thus your suicide system doesn’t give a damn about what suicidal individuals want. 

I’m describing clear and present injustice. I’m describing clear and present evil. You might be able to live with it but I can’t. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do for a suicidal. I know it’s your evil and cruelty that defines your kind. This alone is a great reason to die but your kind have given me so many more reasons to die. Again, it’s too cruel for anyone to face this but never enough for you.

My MP has said, “I will not reconsider the legalisation of assisted suicide.” They’ve also decided that my suffering should be unlimited. This is my response to my MP and everyone who believes my suffering is never enough. 

Even if you try to care. Even if you hate me. You’re doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone. But this isn’t a crime in a civilisation of monsters. Assisted suicide is.

I have repeated myself frequently in this piece to reinforce my point. What I’ve learned to expect from your kind is that you’ll reinforce my point. I need to die because it’s your cruelty and evil that defines your kind. You force me to live because your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. Because my suffering is never enough for you. 

Recognise all I’ve suffered then I’ve suffered all the more even after I’ve been forced to live. That’s the crime. 

You should have killer me a long time ago than put me through so much suffering. But you can’t see the crime or what is just. You can’t even tell the difference between assisted suicide and murder. How sad is this? 

Legalise assisted suicide. Because if you or someone you care about goes through what I go through then that’s what you’d want. Recognise what’s worse than death for what it is. Not an illness but too awful to live.

Legalise assisted suicide because my personal experience demonstrates how important it is especially in a civilisation of monsters. It’s been the only thing that can save me from all these things done to me which are too cruel to force anyone to endure. 

Legalise assisted suicide because it is the only defence against the cruelty and evil that defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Recognise this truth: unlimited suffering is evil. Then go back to the top of this piece and reread my personal experience of how I felt a decade ago. Then trust me when I say that life shouldn’t be this bad. 

Recognise that my life and my suffering was too cruel to happen to anyone a decade ago. Then recognise the only thing that could have saved me from my life and my suffering getting even worse is my death.

Recognise how truly evil your kind are and that’s why the legalisation of assisted suicide is so important. Suicide saves me from what’s worse than death. You can’t. Instead your kind make it worse. You are monsters after all. What else could you do?

Again I reinforce my point as I’m sure you’ll do. My suffering is never enough for you. It defines you. You’d rather my suffering be extended and worsened than show a shred of genuine care. But that’s what assisted suicide is. It’s genuine care. 

Your kind can’t save me from all this suffering. Suicide saves. Suicide cares more than any of you have ever achieved. 

Legalise assisted suicide. Care.

Response to my MP v7 100% is not enough

It never ends. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse. 

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. So here’s another attempt. 

Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

So much of my suffering was avoidable but it’s not avoidable because what defines the monsters who call themselves the human race is your cruelty and evil. Keep this in mind as you read all I write. 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s a description of what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. This is how I felt seven or eight years ago. Let’s call it a decade ago that I felt this awful.

—

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

—

I could have been spared all of this but it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? No. But it is your cruelty and evil that defines your kind.

How is my suffering never enough? 

What I’ve described above is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy back then none of this extreme suffering upon extreme suffering could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law and the suicide system that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much and for those who don’t want to become suicidal. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. More suffering than what I was experiencing a decade ago should be impossible for you to bear. But it’s not enough back then and it’s not enough now after all I’ve suffered since then and now.

The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice when I failed to save myself by killing myself. It’s too cruel for anyone to endure. But you force me to endure even more. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die? Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day of being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain. I don’t need to imagine. 

The pain is the critical point. It’s the point you’ve failed to understand. This is clear throughout your suicide system and suicide laws as well as suicide policy and practice in this civilisation of monsters. 

Reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. It’s worse than death. That should be all you need to know to understand my pain and why I need to die. 

But my suffering is never enough for you so I must get used to it. It is this mentality which you believe in and which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is exactly what it is. Cruelty. That’s the implicit choice you make when you criminalise assisted suicide. You force suicidal individuals to get used to being suicidal. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years was what made me feel how I felt a decade ago. But it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It got worse.

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did a decade ago but my suffering is never enough for those who are the arbiters of my suffering and the end of my suffering. Then what should never get worse got worse. 

So I stand here today and I’m still fighting for my salvation. And you’re still proving that my suffering is never enough for you. You continue to believe that my choice to die is completely irrelevant. You still believe assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation. 

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. 

Do you really hate me so much? You’ve perfected evil by forcing me to live. You have denied me my death then you’ve perfected evil. You couldn’t do it any other way. 

Do you hate me so much? Or do you perfect evil because you care? 

Because unlimited suffering is evil these are valid questions. I couldn’t limit my suffering a decade ago. Then it got even worse. Do you hate me so much that you want to perfect evil by the things your kind do to this suicidal individual? 

(If you don’t already know that unlimited suffering is evil then I suggest you suffer more. Of course if I forced you to live to endure the suffering I’ve been through after I’ve been forced to live then it’d be a crime but only a crime by my standards. How sad is this?) 

Part 2 – too cruel to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this piece below when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.  However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care. 

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I’ve written. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care about suicidal feelings. But what if you do it because you hate me? 

(Note I’m flipping between “you” and “they”) 

Anyway, here’s what I wrote. (I’m talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts.)

—

A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited. They call this care. 

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die and the law is on their side. So that’s what they do. 

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited. No suicide laws deprive you of your freedom to do further cruelty and evil to a suicidal individual. 

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. I want to die but I’m forced to live and to be kept suicidal. I need to die but my suffering is unlimited. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment and never stop the cruelty no matter how long I’ve been suicidal. That’s too cruel to do to anyone and that’s my punishment done by and delivered with extreme hatred by the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making this suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this severe? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering. They deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil but they’re in no way deprived of their liberty to do evil and cruelty to me. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? 

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death and it gets worse. 

I beg for mercy. 

Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. Kill me. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone then the punishment must be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. Because assisted suicide is the crime. 

—

Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals. 

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you must recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse. 

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. But by your standards what I’ve suffered and am suffering is…what? Never enough for you. How sad is that? 

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil which is acceptable to everyone who believes assisted suicide is a crime. 

Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use to force suicidal individuals to live. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no genuine care nor mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law represents.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me. But what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. But you have the law on your side. 

My suffering is never enough for you. So what defines my existence most of all is pain. Again, this is acceptable to the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever. 

My pain never ends. Your evil never ends. That’s the crime but you have the law on your side. How sad is that?

Part 3 the foundation is the nature and severity of suicide pain. The foundation should also include what suicidal individuals want. This doesn’t exist yet. How sad is this? 

I’ve tried to explain the foundation of everything you do to suicidal and what is the right foundation. 

You must recognise the truth. The truth is so simple. Suicide pain is extreme in its nature and severity. It’s worse than death. You will not find this explained in a psychiatric textbook and you will not see this truth recognised anywhere in your suicide system nor in the suicide policy and practice which you believe in.

What I’ve written is based on simple logic but it’s logic which builds on a foundation which is fundamentally antipaychiatry. The foundation is the pain is unacceptable. The foundation is also about a suicide system which actually cares about what suicidal individuals want. Again, this is antipaychiatry. The medicalised suicide system – the system you believe in – doesn’t care about what suicidal individuals want. It doesn’t care. 

Nothing I’ve said requires any intelligence to come up with. It doesn’t come from empathy either but that’s what I ask from you. It comes from personal experience. I have so much experience of what’s to cruel to happen to anyone and too cruel to force anyone to endure. 

It’s pain…so much pain for so long…that defines my existence most of all. It should be of no surprise to you that I did not choose to suffer all this then suffer all the more. I’ve suffered so much cruelty after I’ve become suicidal and after I’ve been forced to live. Again, I didn’t choose this. 

But at no point in all this suffering has the end of my suffering and the end of my suicidal feelings being as important to those who have power over what happens to me as it is to me. The government is part of this. My suffering isn’t enough for the government. It has never been enough for you to want it to end so I’m still fighting for my death. 

Do you understand why I can’t live? You’ve decided my suffering must be unlimited. This is simply evil. This is too cruel to do to anyone. But for you it’s an acceptable consequence of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. 

The criminalisation of assisted suicide sits on top of a mountain of other cruelties. Note the sub domain I chose for the last bespoke blog I wrote. Like your cruelty isn’t enough already I have to fight for my death. 

To this day your are unequivocal in making a choice which affects me in a massive way. You choose to deny me access to assisted suicide because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever.

It doesn’t matter if you hate me. It doesn’t matter if you try to care. What you’re forcing me to endure is too cruel to do to anyone. That’s the crime. Assisted suicide is not a crime. Never ever except in a civilisation of monsters. 

You believe my suffering should be unlimited. So what should never get worse got worse. Because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever. 

The government and so many others are all part of achieving what’s too cruel to force anyone to endure. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

Suicidal individuals should be a protected group. Instead we’re oppressed and persecuted. We’re victims of further cruelty which is sanctioned by the law and the law deprives no one of the cruelty they can do to a suicidal individual. The law is focused most of all on depriving suicidal individuals of our liberty.

The law is not on our side and neither is the government. The law and the government are on the side of doctors. Not suicidal individuals. Thus your suicide system doesn’t give a damn about what suicidal individuals want. 

I’m describing clear and present injustice. I’m describing clear and present evil. You might be able to live with it but I can’t. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do for a suicidal. I know it’s your evil and cruelty that defines your kind. This alone is a great reason to die but your kind have given me so many more reasons to die. Again, it’s too cruel for anyone to face this but never enough for you.

My MP has said, “I will not reconsider the legalisation of assisted suicide.” They’ve also decided that my suffering should be unlimited. This is my response to my MP and everyone who believes my suffering is never enough. 

Even if you try to care. Even if you hate me. You’re doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone. But this isn’t a crime in a civilisation of monsters. Assisted suicide is.

I have repeated myself frequently in this piece to reinforce my point. What I’ve learned to expect from your kind is that you’ll reinforce my point. I need to die because it’s your cruelty and evil that defines your kind. You force me to live because your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. Because my suffering is never enough for you. 

That’s the crime. 

Response to my MP version 6 of many. One more and I think I’m done

It never ends. The war against what’s too cruel to do to anyone. The war that’s always against the monsters who call themselves the human race. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse. 

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. So here’s another attempt. 

Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

So much of my suffering was avoidable but it’s not avoidable because what defines the monsters who call themselves the human race is your cruelty and evil. Keep this in mind as you read all I write. 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s a description of what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. This is how I felt seven or eight years ago. Let’s call it a decade ago that I felt this awful.

—

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

—

This is defensible? No.

I could have been spared all of this but it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? No. But it is your cruelty and evil that defines your kind.

How is my suffering never enough? 

What I’ve described above is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy then none of this extreme suffering upon extreme suffering could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law and the suicide system that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much and for those who don’t want to become suicidal. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. More suffering than what I was experiencing a decade ago should be impossible for you to bear. But it’s not enough back then and it’s not enough now after all I’ve suffered since then and now.

The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice. It’s too cruel for anyone to endure. But you force me to endure even more. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die? Imagine you feel happy at the thought of your impending death? Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day of being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain.

The pain is the critical point. It’s the point you’ve failed to understand. This is clear throughout your suicide system and suicide laws as well as suicide policy and practice in this civilisation of monsters. 

Reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. It’s worse than death. That should be all you need to know to understand my pain and why I need to die. 

But my suffering is never enough for you so I must get used to it. It is the mentality which you believe and which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is not genuine care. That’s the implicit choice you make when you criminalise assisted suicide. You force suicidal individuals to get used to being suicidal. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years was what made me feel how I felt a decade ago. But it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It got worse.

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did a decade ago but my suffering is never enough for those who are the arbiters of my suffering and the end of my suffering. Then what should never get worse got worse. 

So I stand here today and I’m still fighting for my salvation. And you’re still proving that my suffering is never enough for you. You continue to believe that my choice to die is completely irrelevant. You still believe assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation. 

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. 

Do you really hate me so much? You’ve perfected evil by forcing me to live. You have denied me my death then you’ve perfected evil. You couldn’t do it any other way. 

Do you hate me so much? Or do you perfect evil because you care? 

Because unlimited suffering is evil these are valid questions. I couldn’t limit my suffering a decade ago. Then it got even worse. Do you hate me so much that you want to perfect evil by the things your kind do to this suicidal individual? 

(If you don’t already know that unlimited suffering is evil then I suggest you suffer more. Then you’ll definitely know it is when you find out what happens in this civilisation of monsters when you can suffer no more. When you think to yourself “like your cruelty isn’t enough already I have to fight for my death” and your suffering is still never enough I won’t have to fight for a damn thing. Once you feel how I feel.) 

Part 2 – too cruel to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.  However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care. 

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I’ve written. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care about suicidal feelings. 

(Note I’m flipping between “you” and “they”) 

Anyway, here’s what I wrote. (I’m talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts.)

—

A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited.

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die. The suicide laws guarantee this freedom. So that’s what they do. They don’t stop making me want to die after I’ve been forced to live. 

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited.

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. I want to die but I’m forced to live and to be kept suicidal. I need to die but my suffering is unlimited. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment and never stop the cruelty no matter how long I’ve been suicidal. That’s too cruel to do to anyone and that’s my punishment done by and delivered with extreme hatred by the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making this suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this severe? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering. They deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil but they’re in no way deprived of their liberty to do evil and cruelty to me. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? 

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death and it gets worse. 

I beg for mercy. 

Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone then the punishment be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me.

—

Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals. 

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you must recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse. 

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. But by your standards what I’ve suffered and am suffering is…what? Never enough for you. How sad is that? 

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil which is acceptable to everyone who believes assisted suicide is a crime. 

Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use on suicidal individuals. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no genuine care nor mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law says.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me but what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. And you have the law on your side. 

It is the embodiment of your suicide system. My suffering is never enough for you. So what defines my existence most of all is pain. Again, this is acceptable to the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever. 

My pain never ends. Your evil never ends. That’s the crime done by those who deny me my death. 

Part 3 the foundation is the nature and severity of suicide pain. The foundation should also include what suicidal individuals want. This doesn’t exist yet. How sad is this? 

I’ve tried to explain the foundation of everything you do to suicidal and what is the right foundation. You must recognise the truth. The truth is so simple. Suicide pain is extreme in its nature and severity. It’s worse than death. You will not find this explained in a psychiatric textbook and you will not see this truth recognised anywhere in your suicide system nor in the suicide policy and practice which you believe in.

Almost everything else I’ve written is based on simple logic but it’s logic which builds on a foundation which is fundamentally antipaychiatry. The foundation is the pain is unacceptable 

I say “almost everything” because I’ve also written about a suicide system which actually cares about what suicidal individuals want. Again, this is antipaychiatry. The medicalised suicide system – the system you believe in – doesn’t care about what suicidal individuals want. 

Nothing I’ve said requires any intelligence to come up with. It doesn’t come from empathy either but that’s what I ask from you. It comes from personal experience. I have so much experience of what’s to cruel to happen to anyone and too cruel to force anyone to endure. 

It’s pain…so much pain for so long…that defines my existence most of all. It should be of no surprise to you that I did not choose to suffer all this then suffer all the more. I’ve suffered so much cruelty after I’ve become suicidal and after I’ve been forced to live. Again, I didn’t choose this. 

But at no point in all this suffering has the end of my suffering and the end of my suicidal feelings being as important to those who have power over what happens to me as it is to me. The government is part of this. My suffering isn’t enough for the government. It has never been enough for you to want it to end so I’m still fighting for my death. 

Do you understand why I can’t live? You’ve decided my suffering must be unlimited. This is simply evil. This is too cruel to do to anyone. But for you it’s an acceptable consequence of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. 

The criminalisation of assisted suicide sits on top of a mountain of other cruelties. Note the sub domain I chose for the last blog I have sent to my MP (and others). Like your cruelty isn’t enough already I have to fight for my death. 

To this day your are unequivocal in making a choice which affects me in a massive way. You choose to deny me access to assisted suicide because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever.

It doesn’t matter if you hate me. It doesn’t matter if you try to care. What you’re forcing me to endure is too cruel to do to anyone. That’s the crime. Assisted suicide is not a crime. Never ever except in a civilisation of monsters. 

You’re the government or part of the government in this civilisation of monsters. You believe my suffering should be unlimited. So what should never get worse gets worse. Because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever. 

You’re part of achieving what’s too cruel to force anyone to endure. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

Suicidal individuals should be a protected group. Instead we’re oppressed and persecuted. We’re victims of further cruelty which is sanctioned by the law and the law deprives no one of the cruelty they can do to a suicidal individual. The law is focused most of all on depriving suicidal individuals of our liberty.

The law is not on our side and neither is the government. The law and the government are on the side of doctors. Not suicidal individuals. Thus your suicide system doesn’t give a damn about what suicidal individuals want. 

I’m describing clear and present injustice. I’m describing clear and present evil. You might be able to live with it but I can’t. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do for a suicidal. I know it’s your evil and cruelty that defines your kind. This alone is a great reason to die but your kind have given me so many more reasons to die. Again, it’s too cruel for anyone to face this but never enough for you.

You – my MP – have said unequivocally “I will not reconsider the legalisation of assisted suicide.”  You’re deciding that my suffering should be unlimited. I think it’s quite obvious what you are. 

Even if you try to care. Even if you hate me. You’re doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone. But this isn’t a crime in a civilisation of monsters. Assisted suicide is.

I have repeated myself frequently in this piece to reinforce my point. What I’ve learned to expect from your kind is that you’ll reinforce my point. I need to die because it’s your cruelty and evil that defines your kind. You force me to live because your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind.

Response to my MP version unlimited plus 1

My suffering you should be forced to endure. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse.

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. I‘ve failed but I mustn’t. 

So here’s another attempt. Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

Let me put a question front and centre. Think of it as you read this. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do to a suicidal individual. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

I know this isn’t about me. How sad is that? But keep the message in the words above in mind. (Obviously not in heart. That’s impossible for your kind.) 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. 

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

This is defensible? 

I could have been spared all of this but…it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? Of course it is. Your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. 

Why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?

This is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

I? This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy then none of this could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. 

If you don’t think all of this is too cruel for anyone to have to endure – even if it’s someone you hate – then I’ve failed to describe accurately how I felt about eight years ago. 

By any other name what I was going through was hell on Earth. The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die then imagine what you’d be feeling when you feel happy at the thought of your impending death? 

Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain.

The pain is the critical point. Even if I’m the worst person in the world what I was feeling eight years ago was something too awful for anyone to endure. 

Go back and reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. 

I am reminded of something my dad told me around this time when I was feeling this awful. “You must learn to survive.” He was a practising GP at the time but obviously he wasn’t acting in a professional capacity. But he summed up the medical attitude to my suffering and the mentality you’ve been conditioned to believe in which is why you think assisted suicide is a crime. 

It is the mentality which you believe in which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is not genuine care. 

I felt so awful back then. But back then my suffering wasn’t enough for you and your kind. My pain is never enough for you. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years but it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It gets worse. 

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did eight years ago but these words and these words that describe my suffering are completely irrelevant to you. 

They were irrelevant way back then thus the impossible happened. What shouldn’t get worse got worse. My life became worse. My suffering became worse. 

Now you imagine what it feels like to be told that assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation.

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. How sad is this? Do you really hate me so much?

Part 2 – too to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.

I might be right about this. I still need to die and I still have to fight for my death because you hate me. However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care.

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I wrote and sent to my MP. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care. Least of all care about suicidal individuals.

Anyway, here’s what I wrote when I thought you hated me and that’s why you’re part of doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. I’m also talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts. I’m sure this is obvious.
—

You?A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited.

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die. So that’s what they do.

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited.

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. The monsters who call themselves the human race know deep down it’s better to make the victim want to die than kill them. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment because that’s too cruel to do to anyone. They know this from the evil at their core.

They know the recipe to something this cruel. So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making a suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this servere? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering for you. You deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? I’m forced to live amongst monsters like you.

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death.

I beg for mercy.
Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone them the punishment be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. And that’s why they’re so good at it. They’re truly deeply monsters.
—
Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals.

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you mist recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse.

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. Thus I hate the human race.

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil. Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use on suicidal individuals. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law says.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me but what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. And you have the law on your side.

It is the embodiment of your suicide system. My suffering is never enough for you to be able to care.

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever.

Part 3 the foundation is the nature and severity of suicide pain. The foundation should also include what suicidal individuals want. This doesn’t exist yet. How sad is this?

You’re part of the problem. Not the solution. If I suffer what’s too cruel to force anyone to endure because you hate me or you think you can care it doesn’t make a difference. You’ve decided that my suffering should be unlimited.

Let me put it bluntly. Unlimited suffering is evil. Do I really need to explain this any further?

Because everything I’ve written and sent to my MP (and others) is not derived from intelligence. Everything I’ve said is a to state the obvious.

I’ve tried to explain the foundation of everything you do to suicidal. You must recognise the truth. The truth is so simple. Suicide pain is extreme in its nature and severity. It’s worse than death. You will not find this explained in a psychiatric textbook and you will not see this truth at the foundation of your suicide system nor in the suicide policy and practice which you believe in.

Almost everything else I’ve written is based on simple logic but it’s logic which builds on the foundation I’ve written about which is fundamentally antipaychiatry. I say “almost everything” because I’ve also written about a suicide system which actually cares about what suicidal individuals want. Again, this is antipaychiatry. The medicalised suicide system – the system you believe in – doesn’t care about what suicidal individuals want.

Nothing I’ve said requires any intelligence to come up with. The foundation of a better suicide system and my vision of what such a system would do is not derived from any skill related to intelligence.

It doesn’t come from empathy either. It comes from personal experience. I have so much experience of what’s to cruel to happen to anyone and too cruel to force anyone to endure.

It’s pain…so much pain for so long…that defines my existence most of all. It should be of no surprise to you that I did not choose to suffer all this and suffer all the more. I’ve suffered so much cruelty after I’ve become suicidal and after I’ve been forced to live. Again, I didn’t choose this.

But at no point in all this suffering has the end of my suffering and the end of my suicidal feelings being as important to those who have power over what happens to me as it is to me. The government is part of this. My suffering isn’t enough for the government. It has never been enough.

Do you understand why I can’t live? You’ve decided my suffering must be unlimited. This is simply evil. This is too cruel to do to anyone. But for you it’s an acceptable consequence of the criminalisation of assisted suicide.

The criminalisation of assisted suicide sits on top of a mountain of other cruelties. Note the sub domain I chose for the last blog I have sent to my MP (and others). Like your cruelty isn’t enough already I have to fight for my death.

To this day your are unequivocal in making a choice which affects me in a massive. You choose to demy me access to assisted suicide because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever.

It doesn’t matter if you hate me. It doesn’t matter if you try to care. What you’re forcing me to endure is too cruel to do to anyone. That’s the crime. Assisted suicide is not a crime. Never ever except in a civilisation of monsters.

You’re the government or part of the government in this civilisation of monsters. You believe my suffering should be unlimited. So what should never get worse gets worse. Because my suffering is never enough for you. Never ever.

You’re part of achieving what’s too cruel to force anyone to endure. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?

—————————–

Other stuff 

Response to my MP version unlimited

Kill me now. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse.

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. I‘ve failed but I mustn’t. 

So here’s another attempt. Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

Let me put a question front and centre. Think of it as you read this. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do to a suicidal individual. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

I know this isn’t about me. How sad is that? But keep the message in the words above in mind. (Obviously not in heart. That’s impossible for your kind.) 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. 

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

This is defensible? 

I could have been spared all of this but…it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? Of course it is. Your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. 

Why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?

This is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

I? This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy then none of this could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. 

If you don’t think all of this is too cruel for anyone to have to endure – even if it’s someone you hate – then I’ve failed to describe accurately how I felt about eight years ago. 

By any other name what I was going through was hell on Earth. The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die then imagine what you’d be feeling when you feel happy at the thought of your impending death? 

Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain.

The pain is the critical point. Even if I’m the worst person in the world what I was feeling eight years ago was something too awful for anyone to endure. 

Go back and reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. 

I am reminded of something my dad told me around this time when I was feeling this awful. “You must learn to survive.” He was a practising GP at the time but obviously he wasn’t acting in a professional capacity. But he summed up the medical attitude to my suffering and the mentality you’ve been conditioned to believe in which is why you think assisted suicide is a crime. 

It is the mentality which you believe in which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is not genuine care. 

I felt so awful back then. But back then my suffering wasn’t enough for you and your kind. My pain is never enough for you. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years but it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It gets worse. 

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did eight years ago but these words and these words that describe my suffering are completely irrelevant to you. 

They were irrelevant way back then thus the impossible happened. What shouldn’t get worse got worse. My life became worse. My suffering became worse. 

Now you imagine what it feels like to be told that assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation.

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. How sad is this? Do you really hate me so much?

Part 2 – too to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.

I might be right about this. I still need to die and I still have to fight for my death because you hate me. However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care.

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I wrote and sent to my MP. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care. Least of all care about suicidal individuals.

Anyway, here’s what I wrote when I thought you hated me and that’s why you’re part of doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. I’m also talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts. I’m sure this is obvious.
—

You?A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited.

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die. So that’s what they do.

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited.

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. The monsters who call themselves the human race know deep down it’s better to make the victim want to die than kill them. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment because that’s too cruel to do to anyone. They know this from the evil at their core.

They know the recipe to something this cruel. So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making a suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this servere? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering for you. You deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? I’m forced to live amongst monsters like you.

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death.

I beg for mercy.
Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone them the punishment be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. And that’s why they’re so good at it. They’re truly deeply monsters.
—
Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals.

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you mist recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse.

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. Thus I hate the human race.

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil. Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use on suicidal individuals. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law says.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me but what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. And you have the law on your side.

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever.

So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?
—————————–

Other stuff

Part 3 – I need to die. You force me to live. Then it gets worse for a number of reasons. Consider this one. You make me want to die and you force me to live but you’re not deprived of your liberty and neither are doctors. This is what the suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for. My liberty is deprived but you remain free and evil. What shouldn’t get worse gets worse and that’s what the laws legislate for rather than against. Look at the extraordinary cruelty in the medico-legal framework like imprisonment and other uses of force and deprivation of liberty. Imprisonment in particular is used as punishment but the extra judicial medico-legal framework – I mean the set of laws which use imprisonment but aren’t part of the criminal justice system – is used on suicidal individuals and you call it care. “What’s in a name? A rose by any other would still smells as sweet.” The cruelty of imprisonment doesn’t change if you say it’s care. But if it’s an ordinary cruelty done to a suicidal individual it’s much worse. Unfortunately suicidal individuals don’t have the law on our side. So there’s no limit to your cruelty or my suffering. Shit. Didn’t anyone tell you that an ordinary cruelty and evil done to a suicidal individual is multiplied in the severity of the evil and cruelty? So it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime and not the cruelty of your doctors, your legal system and your species. That’s what you call care. What’s in a name? If you call it hatred and punishment then there’d be some protections like there are in the criminal justice system. But there’s just the deprivation of liberty used on suicidal individuals and only suicide to save suicidal individuals from the cruelty of doctors, the government, the legal system and the rest of your godforsaken species. If you do it out of hatred then you’d do better. But you think you can care so you make worse what should never get worse. That’s what your suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for – you aren’t deprived of your liberty to do everything and cruelty to a suicidal individual but you can do more. That’s your law. How sad is this? It gets even worse than all this because it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime.

You can’t tell the difference between care and cruelty. But if you think you hate me then perhaps you’d be closer to the truth.

Those who you force to live. This act alone is unconscionable. But you do this out of a sense of care. But those you force to live. It doesn’t matter what you do to us after you’ve forced us to live.

You’ve forced me to live but you remain free and evil. Any ordinary cruelty. Any further cruelty that’s done to a suicidal individual. Anymore suffering happening to someone you’ve forced to live. It doesn’t matter to you. It’s not important to you. Because you can ignore our suffering.

Isn’t this too cruel to do to anyone? But you make it worse. My suffering is unlimited. That’s what you want.

Safe from evil. Safe from cruelty. Not if I live. This is what your laws legislate for

It’s too cruel to do to anyone. Even if you hate me.

And still I fail

All these words here. I’m fighting for a lesser evil. I’m drawing a line but I’m fighting for a tiny little bit less evil.

The line is before you make anyone want to die. Deprive yourselves of your liberty to do evil and cruelty so you don’t make any conscious being want to die. This is the lesser evil that’s worth exactly what it’s worse. It’s closer to best humanity. But you have none.

Part 4 if the foundation is wrong. Ask any scientists

You’ve no power to determine if I live or die. All you have is the evil at your core. 

Response to my MP version unlimited

Kill me now. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse.

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. I‘ve failed but I mustn’t. 

So here’s another attempt. Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

Let me put a question front and centre. Think of it as you read this. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do to a suicidal individual. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

I know this isn’t about me. How sad is that? But keep the message in the words above in mind. (Obviously not in heart. That’s impossible for your kind.) 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. 

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

This is defensible? 

I could have been spared all of this but…it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? Of course it is. Your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. 

Why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?

This is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

I? This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy then none of this could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. 

If you don’t think all of this is too cruel for anyone to have to endure – even if it’s someone you hate – then I’ve failed to describe accurately how I felt about eight years ago. 

By any other name what I was going through was hell on Earth. The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die then imagine what you’d be feeling when you feel happy at the thought of your impending death? 

Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain.

The pain is the critical point. Even if I’m the worst person in the world what I was feeling eight years ago was something too awful for anyone to endure. 

Go back and reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. 

I am reminded of something my dad told me around this time when I was feeling this awful. “You must learn to survive.” He was a practising GP at the time but obviously he wasn’t acting in a professional capacity. But he summed up the medical attitude to my suffering and the mentality you’ve been conditioned to believe in which is why you think assisted suicide is a crime. 

It is the mentality which you believe in which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is not genuine care. 

I felt so awful back then. But back then my suffering wasn’t enough for you and your kind. My pain is never enough for you. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years but it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It gets worse. 

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did eight years ago but these words and these words that describe my suffering are completely irrelevant to you. 

They were irrelevant way back then thus the impossible happened. What shouldn’t get worse got worse. My life became worse. My suffering became worse. 

Now you imagine what it feels like to be told that assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation.

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. How sad is this? Do you really hate me so much?

Part 2 – too to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.

I might be right about this. I still need to die and I still have to fight for my death because you hate me. However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care.

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I wrote and sent to my MP. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care. Least of all care about suicidal individuals.

Anyway, here’s what I wrote when I thought you hated me and that’s why you’re part of doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. I’m also talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts. I’m sure this is obvious.
—

You?A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited.

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die. So that’s what they do.

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited.

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. The monsters who call themselves the human race know deep down it’s better to make the victim want to die than kill them. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment because that’s too cruel to do to anyone. They know this from the evil at their core.

They know the recipe to something this cruel. So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making a suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this servere? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering for you. You deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? I’m forced to live amongst monsters like you.

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death.

I beg for mercy.
Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone them the punishment be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. And that’s why they’re so good at it. They’re truly deeply monsters.
—
Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals.

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you mist recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse.

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. Thus I hate the human race.

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil. Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use on suicidal individuals. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law says.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me but what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. And you have the law on your side.

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever.

So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?
—————————–

Other stuff

Part 3 – I need to die. You force me to live. Then it gets worse for a number of reasons. Consider this one. You make me want to die and you force me to live but you’re not deprived of your liberty and neither are doctors. This is what the suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for. My liberty is deprived but you remain free and evil. What shouldn’t get worse gets worse and that’s what the laws legislate for rather than against. Look at the extraordinary cruelty in the medico-legal framework like imprisonment and other uses of force and deprivation of liberty. Imprisonment in particular is used as punishment but the extra judicial medico-legal framework – I mean the set of laws which use imprisonment but aren’t part of the criminal justice system – is used on suicidal individuals and you call it care. “What’s in a name? A rose by any other would still smells as sweet.” The cruelty of imprisonment doesn’t change if you say it’s care. But if it’s an ordinary cruelty done to a suicidal individual it’s much worse. Unfortunately suicidal individuals don’t have the law on our side. So there’s no limit to your cruelty or my suffering. Shit. Didn’t anyone tell you that an ordinary cruelty and evil done to a suicidal individual is multiplied in the severity of the evil and cruelty? So it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime and not the cruelty of your doctors, your legal system and your species. That’s what you call care. What’s in a name? If you call it hatred and punishment then there’d be some protections like there are in the criminal justice system. But there’s just the deprivation of liberty used on suicidal individuals and only suicide to save suicidal individuals from the cruelty of doctors, the government, the legal system and the rest of your godforsaken species. If you do it out of hatred then you’d do better. But you think you can care so you make worse what should never get worse. That’s what your suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for – you aren’t deprived of your liberty to do everything and cruelty to a suicidal individual but you can do more. That’s your law. How sad is this? It gets even worse than all this because it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime.

You can’t tell the difference between care and cruelty. But if you think you hate me then perhaps you’d be closer to the truth.

Those who you force to live. This act alone is unconscionable. But you do this out of a sense of care. But those you force to live. It doesn’t matter what you do to us after you’ve forced us to live.

You’ve forced me to live but you remain free and evil. Any ordinary cruelty. Any further cruelty that’s done to a suicidal individual. Anymore suffering happening to someone you’ve forced to live. It doesn’t matter to you. It’s not important to you. Because you can ignore our suffering.

Isn’t this too cruel to do to anyone? But you make it worse. My suffering is unlimited. That’s what you want.

Safe from evil. Safe from cruelty. Not if I live. This is what your laws legislate for

It’s too cruel to do to anyone. Even if you hate me.

And still I fail

All these words here. I’m fighting for a lesser evil. I’m drawing a line but I’m fighting for a tiny little bit less evil.

The line is before you make anyone want to die. Deprive yourselves of your liberty to do evil and cruelty so you don’t make any conscious being want to die. This is the lesser evil that’s worth exactly what it’s worse. It’s closer to best humanity. But you have none.

Part 4 if the foundation is wrong. Ask any scientists

You’ve no power to determine if I live or die. All you have is the evil at your core. 

Response to my MP version unlimited

Kill me now. Part 1 Life shouldn’t be this bad. But you’re too evil to be able to care. So it gets worse.

Where do I begin? I’ve put so much thought into what I’ve written. But thus far I’ve failed. I‘ve failed but I mustn’t. 

So here’s another attempt. Where do I begin? My pain must be front and centre. 

Let me put a question front and centre. Think of it as you read this. 

I know what you can do to a suicidal individual. I know what you can’t do to a suicidal individual. So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you? 

I know this isn’t about me. How sad is that? But keep the message in the words above in mind. (Obviously not in heart. That’s impossible for your kind.) 

Too cruel to happen to anyone. My personal experiences. 

Here’s what I’ve been through. Here’s how I’ve felt. Imagine you know this feeling. 

The days turn into months and the months into years and all this time I want to die. But knowing that I want to die won’t get in the way of the evil and cruelty which defines the monsters who call themselves the human race. 

Every birthday is a painful reminder that I have failed to save myself. Every birthday is the opposite of celebrating that I’m still alive. Every new year is another year faced with dread because it’s another year I have to suffer and stay suicidal unless I kill myself. Even something which might be called “a good day” is tainted by the knowledge that the pain will never stop. Then there’s the times where there are no good days for years and I forget what a good day even feels like.

The pain never ends. So living becomes a punishment. You can’t even imagine how often I’ve thought that this might actually be hell itself rather than hell on Earth but neither is something that anyone should experience. But I am forced to endure all this because I live amongst monsters – just like what happens in hell. 

I suffer and I suffer more. The wounds in my psyche are many and there cuts upon cuts. But the pain doesn’t stop and neither does the cruelty of the monsters I am cursed to live amongst. The beatings just keep on going and what are small sufferings I experience as massive harms…do I need to explain what it’s like when someone keeps on beating you and beating you and pummels sore wounds? Then pokes the wounds which have received beating after beating already? 

My psyche is broken and bloodied and burned. But the monsters who call themselves the human race are not satisfied that they’ve done enough cruelty and evil to me. So you force me to live to keep on hurting me and making me want to die.

So I still need to die and I’m still suffering. To live one day of this nightmare is too brutal to do to anyone but it is not your humaneness that defines your species (no longer mine). That I am still suffering…that I still need to die…that should be impossible but it is your cruelty which defines you.

This is defensible? 

I could have been spared all of this but…it is your cruelty that defines you. At no point throughout all these hells was the most important concern that I’ve suffered enough or too much already. 

Even now you assert that I have not suffered enough. Not enough for you to grant me my death. My suffering is never enough for you. This is defensible? Of course it is. Your cruelty and evil is what defines your kind. 

Why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?

This is one of the many forms which suicidal suffering takes. This specific feeling is one I know all too well. 

I? This particular form of suicidal suffering I know so well is why in my previous attempts to make you care I’ve made reference to hell on Earth and torture as other ways to describe what’s happened and is still happening to me.

If only you had any empathy then none of this could be possible. If you had a shred of empathy then I’d never need to fight for any of the changes to the law that I’m failing to persuade you are completely necessary. But these changes are all absolutely necessary for those who suffer too much. 

More suffering? It should be impossible. 

If you don’t think all of this is too cruel for anyone to have to endure – even if it’s someone you hate – then I’ve failed to describe accurately how I felt about eight years ago. 

By any other name what I was going through was hell on Earth. The despair. The hopelessness. The desperation to end my life and the torture because of my cowardice. 

Imagine being happy in the hope that you’d die then imagine what you’d be feeling when you feel happy at the thought of your impending death? 

Then imagine all the suffering that makes me feel like this. Years and day after day being suicidal. So much pain. Oh God. So much pain.

The pain is the critical point. Even if I’m the worst person in the world what I was feeling eight years ago was something too awful for anyone to endure. 

Go back and reread the bit I’ve written above about my personal experience. If it doesn’t like a living nightmare that you’d do anything to end then I’ve failed to communicate the abyss that I know so well. 

I am reminded of something my dad told me around this time when I was feeling this awful. “You must learn to survive.” He was a practising GP at the time but obviously he wasn’t acting in a professional capacity. But he summed up the medical attitude to my suffering and the mentality you’ve been conditioned to believe in which is why you think assisted suicide is a crime. 

It is the mentality which you believe in which you think is care but is an expression of bare and blatant cruelty. The cruelty of the response “get used to it” as an expression of your compassion and care for those who suffer suicidal feelings is not genuine care. 

I felt so awful back then. But back then my suffering wasn’t enough for you and your kind. My pain is never enough for you. How sad is it to recognise that? 

So much pain for so many years but it’s never enough for you so guess what happened next? It gets worse. 

This should be impossible but it’s not because of what defines your kind. I should never suffer so much as I did eight years ago but these words and these words that describe my suffering are completely irrelevant to you. 

They were irrelevant way back then thus the impossible happened. What shouldn’t get worse got worse. My life became worse. My suffering became worse. 

Now you imagine what it feels like to be told that assisted suicide is the crime and you refuse to consider its legalisation.

What should never get worse has gotten worse. The only thing that could have saved me way back when I was going through what’s too cruel and too awful for anyone to endure is assisted suicide. But to this day you refuse to legalise assisted suicide. How sad is this? Do you really hate me so much?

Part 2 – too to do to anyone even if you hate me

I wrote this when I was absolutely sure I am hated. It’s the only way my suffering could be this bad.

I might be right about this. I still need to die and I still have to fight for my death because you hate me. However in retrospect there is another answer. You can’t care.

That’s one of the messages in the previous blog I wrote and sent to my MP. You don’t have the capacity or competence to be able to care. Least of all care about suicidal individuals.

Anyway, here’s what I wrote when I thought you hated me and that’s why you’re part of doing what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. I’m also talking about hatred and punishment as two related concepts. I’m sure this is obvious.
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You?A punishment with no hope of mercy. Punished by unlimited suffering. What did I do that this is my punishment? 

I have been deprived of my liberty to die. That’s the point of the criminalisation of assisted suicide. To force all suicidal individuals to live. It is implicit that the law makers believe my suffering should be unlimited.

I have been deprived of my liberty to end my suffering. But the monsters who call themselves the human race have decided that this cruelty isn’t enough for them. My suffering is never enough for them so they have turned living into a punishment. 

I have been deprived of my liberty but the monsters who call themselves the human race have not been denied theirs. They remain free and evil. They have forced me to live but they remain free to keep on hurting me and keep on making me want to die. So that’s what they do.

So I remain suicidal. Not for days and for months though such suffering is too cruel to do to anyone. My punishment stretches across further than a decade. 

I suffer so much that I need to die. I am forced to live to suffer more. I am deprived of my liberty to end my suffering – a goal which is priceless to me. But the monsters who call themselves the human race want to be free to keep on making me want to die. So I still need to die.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible punishment? My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty is unlimited.

There is no justice in this punishment. There is no mercy. The end of my suffering is denied because assisted suicide is a crime. My suffering is unlimited because I’m denied my liberty to end my suffering by assisted suicide. My suffering is unlimited because I live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I just need a little help but instead I am punished further for my cowardice and failing to kill myself. 

This happens in a country which no longer uses execution as a punishment. It’s deemed to be too cruel to do to anyone. No matter how much they’re hated and how many hate them no one fears the punishment of execution. It’s too cruel to do to anyone.

But something worse happens to me. The monsters who call themselves the human race know deep down it’s better to make the victim want to die than kill them. It’s a far better punishment to make living the punishment. Make the victim hope for death but don’t let them die. Force them to live and keep on making them want to die. Make living the punishment because that’s too cruel to do to anyone. They know this from the evil at their core.

They know the recipe to something this cruel. So what did I do to deserve such terrible punishment? I am denied the end of my suffering but the monsters who called themselves the human race are not denied their freedom to keep on making a suicidal individual want to die. 

My suffering is unlimited. This is only ever punishment and it is too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do that my punishment is this servere? I’m suicidal but this isn’t enough of my suffering for you. You deny me the hope only assisted suicide can fulfil. So my suffering is unlimited. 

What did I do that’s such a terrible crime so this is the punishment I deserve? I’m forced to live amongst monsters like you.

Surely no one’s suffering should be unlimited. Surely unlimited suffering is a choice which can’t be forced on anyone. It’s simply too cruel to do to anyone. What did I do to you to make you hate me so much that my punishment is so severe? It’s worse than death.

I beg for mercy.
Please let me die. Please help me die. For gods sake kill me. I can’t live amongst monsters like you. To force me to live anymore is a punishment too cruel to do to anyone. It doesn’t matter how much you hate me. My suffering should never be unlimited. 

But the monsters who call themselves the human race are really truly monsters. They know that if you really hate someone them the punishment be done without mercy or hope of mercy. That’s how they do what’s too cruel to do to anyone to me. And that’s why they’re so good at it. They’re truly deeply monsters.
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Deprive me of my liberty to end your cruelty and my suffering. But you remain free and evil. Again, it makes perfect sense if you hate me because it’s the right recipe to do what’s too cruel to to do anyone. The criminalisation of assisted suicide plays a very large part in achieving what’s too cruel to do to anyone but so do the rest of the laws which relate to suicide and suicide individuals.

Your suicide laws are utterly devoid of compassion and mercy. Let me be kind and consider this to be the result of your utter heartlessness. If you could be humane and if you had a shred of humanity then surely you mist recognise that what’s a punishment too cruel to do to anyone no matter how much you hate me is still happening to me.

Consider that about a decade I was suffering more than anyone should. Consider that the state of suicidality I’ve inadequately described at the top of this piece was created after years of wanting to die. Then between then and now it has gotten worse.

By my standards it’s too cruel to do to anyone, too cruel to let happen and too cruel to force anyone to endure. Thus I hate the human race.

Consider this part of what’s too cruel to do to anyone: too cruel to force anyone to endure. This element is a clear and present evil. Now consider the rest of the suicide laws. The use of imprisonment is another clear and present evil that’s done to suicidal individuals. And the sole use of deprivation of liberty is its use on suicidal individuals. The monsters who call themselves the human race are not deprived of your liberty so you stay free and evil.

My suffering is unlimited. Your cruelty and evil isn’t. In fact the Mental Health Act legislates for further cruelty rather than defend and protect suicidal individuals from further cruelty. There is no mercy for suicidal individuals and that’s what the law says.

You care about my suffering like only monsters would do. Or you do what monsters would do to something like me because you hate me but what you do to me is too cruel to do to anyone. And you have the law on your side.

You can’t see the crime. I should never suffer so much. Never ever.

So why would I want to live amongst monsters like you?
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Other stuff

Part 3 – I need to die. You force me to live. Then it gets worse for a number of reasons. Consider this one. You make me want to die and you force me to live but you’re not deprived of your liberty and neither are doctors. This is what the suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for. My liberty is deprived but you remain free and evil. What shouldn’t get worse gets worse and that’s what the laws legislate for rather than against. Look at the extraordinary cruelty in the medico-legal framework like imprisonment and other uses of force and deprivation of liberty. Imprisonment in particular is used as punishment but the extra judicial medico-legal framework – I mean the set of laws which use imprisonment but aren’t part of the criminal justice system – is used on suicidal individuals and you call it care. “What’s in a name? A rose by any other would still smells as sweet.” The cruelty of imprisonment doesn’t change if you say it’s care. But if it’s an ordinary cruelty done to a suicidal individual it’s much worse. Unfortunately suicidal individuals don’t have the law on our side. So there’s no limit to your cruelty or my suffering. Shit. Didn’t anyone tell you that an ordinary cruelty and evil done to a suicidal individual is multiplied in the severity of the evil and cruelty? So it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime and not the cruelty of your doctors, your legal system and your species. That’s what you call care. What’s in a name? If you call it hatred and punishment then there’d be some protections like there are in the criminal justice system. But there’s just the deprivation of liberty used on suicidal individuals and only suicide to save suicidal individuals from the cruelty of doctors, the government, the legal system and the rest of your godforsaken species. If you do it out of hatred then you’d do better. But you think you can care so you make worse what should never get worse. That’s what your suicide laws and mental health laws legislate for – you aren’t deprived of your liberty to do everything and cruelty to a suicidal individual but you can do more. That’s your law. How sad is this? It gets even worse than all this because it’s assisted suicide that’s the crime.

You can’t tell the difference between care and cruelty. But if you think you hate me then perhaps you’d be closer to the truth.

Those who you force to live. This act alone is unconscionable. But you do this out of a sense of care. But those you force to live. It doesn’t matter what you do to us after you’ve forced us to live.

You’ve forced me to live but you remain free and evil. Any ordinary cruelty. Any further cruelty that’s done to a suicidal individual. Anymore suffering happening to someone you’ve forced to live. It doesn’t matter to you. It’s not important to you. Because you can ignore our suffering.

Isn’t this too cruel to do to anyone? But you make it worse. My suffering is unlimited. That’s what you want.

Safe from evil. Safe from cruelty. Not if I live. This is what your laws legislate for

It’s too cruel to do to anyone. Even if you hate me.

And still I fail

All these words here. I’m fighting for a lesser evil. I’m drawing a line but I’m fighting for a tiny little bit less evil.

The line is before you make anyone want to die. Deprive yourselves of your liberty to do evil and cruelty so you don’t make any conscious being want to die. This is the lesser evil that’s worth exactly what it’s worse. It’s closer to best humanity. But you have none.

Part 4 if the foundation is wrong. Ask any scientists

You’ve no power to determine if I live or die. All you have is the evil at your core.